Getting Depressed by Loved Ones


Life can me so meaningless when you are trying to please more than to be pleased yourself. This days everyone is opportunistic tenders especially those you may trust more and keep in your inner circle. It is obvious this days to see one suffering some situations where the ones who are triggering are those they love and they know they make you suffer but due to their own soul sicknesses they find it amusing to know it is them who could make you  have agony and they tend it as a sign of them loving you so much. Imagine loosing a chance to furthering your career due to your lover not accepting this only because of selfish reasons that come from the person cause they wish it was them doing the change but maybe they had lost their chance. These days so many individuals are living life that has been fabricated by another person they really trusted more but all they had on their wish to them was just get what they perceive was their love for you. No one in this life can love a person without a reason. Every person who can confidently tell you they love you, mostly they always have much to claim of why they say they love you cause any love of something is bound to reason why. However many who can express there love to someone else always they can never tell their real motives rather than the reasons, as once a person loves you they can choose to have their reasons of loving you or turn it into motives for loving you. Motives in love narratives always tend to be the agonies and the reasons are become the happiness of the love shared. Am a little obsessed with life especially love. I grew up yearning to be loved although I had everyone showing love. This has been my life living to understand that you are longing for love while you see anyone showing love but never gave you love. Affection and affinity towards any person who seemed to be around much became my sort of thinking what love is and this led to too various behavioral tendencies of believing much in others rather than myself. Most of the time I had so much into helping others realize what they were after even at the expense of my own happiness. Now I am grown and naturally I see same behavior on my child in helping others more than I can help myself.  My happiness has been nothing but a turmoil as this has led me into so much trouble with a lot of people who loved me so much in a way that they knowingly were happy to see me having trouble that I may depend on their love as they force me into missing something they know is obvious. For instance I never had a woman who never loved only to see me shouting over reasons of missing her or feeling betrayal. So much times I see some women who I loved and they loved me but ended up being obsessed of how I may try always to reason out too much with someone I love and this emblazoned me as to being jealous although the woman I could be loving was really only enjoying or happy to believe I love her only when she leaves me or try to show me she does not want me would make me reveal my inner feelings of how I want her so much to remain. This can even be termed just a biased considering at this moments when I am scribbling this while I am a divorcee to be soon. However, being a divorcee has taught me so much of what kind of love I give and how much of love I receive. I hardly believe myself that some behaviors of how I try handle my relations has always been traumatized by many of the same behaviors with my fellow peers. So many of my peers had a chance to bully me since young. It is been in my nature naturally being talented in many activities especially school and you have no those proud issues or just a little shy could make anyone be a victim of any possible peer pressure. As a curious young person who always was isolated in some peer activities due to family chores or academic excellence pressure from parents, I never got that soulful brotherhood in many of the people I been sorrounding myself with. Being counted available or one in any activities was null. Imagine going to a football much and you in the team but not considered you in although they need you more in the team, that was a kind of life I had in my life endeavors and by astonishing circumstances Up to nowadays. You can never understand an agony of a community that can empower you and discourage you and you end up living and succeeding through the community while the common cause of the financial means in the community is termed or conserved socially to some of who participate in the activities that are perceived to be the community some of sort of cultural heritage and if anyone succeeds in the means is believed to have pass through the same fate the whole community perceive. Compare a man having multiple women who no one knows about and he not living with them simply because of a secret the man is keeping about a mistake he did due to life manipulation from his own community peer pressure. Being in a community that you are considered a soulful outcast inside many of those you trust, depend including confiding in them as to survive both politically, financially, Socially, and mostly peer groups can be a very hard task of a life to live in everyday life as mostly you can be a target of any mischief from all the ill witted as they believe you are always believed to be an outcast hence terming you in any omen can be easily acceptable. Anyway, understanding the community becomes a light of ray to any person soulful excused as an outcast as they tend to become a judge of both what is happening between the good and the bad in the community. A person who sits in a group meeting and is ordered to not speak a word while everyone is speaking can be a very good judge. When a movie is being shot the director and the photography team are always quiet and unforeseen while the actors are visible and forseen, the judges becomes the directors and the photography team who we can say are outcasted from the Movie or Film. This explanation has a very deep meaning of how my life has been in most cases. I been a powerful weapon to most while being a judge to few. A powerful weapon is that as an outcast you learn to live among and together with all the good hearted and bad hearted in any community and since you are also morally isolated then you can always enter and foresee many occasions or even perceive through many emotions certain individuals close to you and to understand most of the things they do or believe in. Many can care much if an enemy is closer than an outcast as outcast is a person accepted but  is deprived from some things the community believes to be important to the outcast too but as usual they had forgotten that an outcast is may have been comfortable living without the norms of the community. 



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